Admitting the Full Extent of Our Pain: The Journey of Step Five
The journey through the twelve steps is often likened to an inward pilgrimage, a gradual uncovering of truths we’ve hidden, avoided, or feared. Each step offers an opportunity to confront another layer of ourselves, gently peeling away the protective masks we’ve worn to navigate life. Step Five, one of the most transformative moments in this process, invites us to admit to ourselves, to another person, and to our higher power the full extent of our pain and struggles. It is an act of courage, vulnerability, and deep honesty—one that carries the promise of profound healing.
Pain, whether born from trauma, addiction, or loss, has a way of embedding itself into the corners of our lives. Left unaddressed, it festers, shaping our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships in ways we often fail to fully understand. We carry this pain alone, silenced by shame, fear, or the belief that no one could possibly understand. Step Five challenges this isolation, urging us to break the cycle of secrecy and self-denial by sharing our burdens with someone we trust.
At first glance, this step can feel overwhelming. The idea of revealing the rawest parts of ourselves—parts we may not even fully comprehend—to another person can trigger waves of anxiety and resistance. It’s natural to ask: What if they judge me? What if they don’t believe me? What if they see me differently afterward? These fears are powerful and valid, but they are also the voice of the pain that Step Five aims to release. The act of sharing is not about seeking validation or approval; it is about giving ourselves permission to let go of the weight we’ve carried alone for so long.
The first step in this process is admitting the truth to ourselves. For many, this is the hardest part. It requires sitting with our pain, naming it, and acknowledging its presence without minimizing or rationalizing it away. Trauma, in particular, has a way of distorting our perception of reality, making us question whether our experiences were “bad enough” to warrant attention. But pain is not a competition, and no one else gets to decide the validity of our struggles. Step Five reminds us that our pain deserves recognition simply because it exists.
Once we’ve faced this truth within ourselves, the next step is to share it with another person. This is where the real healing begins. Speaking our pain aloud, to someone who listens without judgment, creates a bridge out of isolation. It transforms our inner turmoil from something hidden and insidious into something tangible and shared. This act of confession—of naming our struggles in the presence of another—allows us to reclaim power over the parts of ourselves that have felt broken or out of control.
Choosing the right person to confide in is essential. This is not about finding someone who has all the answers or who can fix what’s broken. It’s about finding someone who can hold space for our truth, offering compassion and understanding without trying to diminish or solve it. For some, this might be a therapist, trained to navigate the complexities of trauma and healing. For others, it might be a trusted friend or family member who has demonstrated empathy and reliability over time. The most important thing is that this person makes us feel safe.
Sharing our story can be a messy, nonlinear process. There may be tears, silences, or moments where words fail us altogether. That’s okay. Healing is rarely neat or orderly. What matters is the act of opening up, of allowing another person to witness our pain and hold it with us, even for a moment. In doing so, we begin to dismantle the walls that trauma builds around us, creating space for connection and understanding where there was once only loneliness.
One of the most profound aspects of Step Five is the involvement of a higher power. For some, this may be a traditional concept of God; for others, it might be a sense of the universe, nature, or even the collective human spirit. What matters is the recognition that we are not alone in our struggles, that there is a force greater than ourselves that can offer guidance, comfort, and hope. Inviting this higher power into our healing process reminds us that we don’t have to carry the weight of our pain entirely on our own. It’s an act of surrender, not in the sense of giving up, but in the sense of letting go.
In my own journey, Step Five was both terrifying and liberating. For years, I carried the burden of unspoken trauma, convinced that no one could understand the depth of my pain. I wore a mask of strength, pretending everything was fine while silently unraveling beneath the surface. When I finally admitted the truth to myself, it felt like standing at the edge of a cliff, staring into an abyss of uncertainty. Sharing that truth with another person seemed impossible.
But I took the leap. I chose a trusted therapist, someone who had walked alongside me through other challenges, and I began to tell my story. The words came haltingly at first, punctuated by long pauses and tears. I felt exposed, raw, and vulnerable in a way I never had before. But I also felt something else: relief. The weight of carrying my pain alone began to lift, replaced by a sense of connection and understanding that I hadn’t thought possible.
As I continued to work through Step Five, I discovered the healing power of being witnessed. My therapist didn’t try to fix me or tell me what I should do. Instead, she listened with empathy and compassion, allowing me to feel seen and heard for the first time in years. This act of being witnessed was transformative. It reminded me that my pain, while deeply personal, was not something I had to face in isolation. It gave me permission to release the shame and self-blame that had kept me trapped for so long.
Involving my higher power in this process was equally profound. I found solace in moments of quiet reflection, prayer, and meditation, where I could lay my burdens at the feet of something greater than myself. This spiritual connection gave me the strength to keep going, even when the road felt impossibly hard. It reminded me that healing is not a solo journey, but a collaboration between ourselves, others, and the universe around us.
Step Five is not a one-time event; it is an ongoing practice. Admitting the full extent of our pain and struggles is not something we do once and never revisit. It’s a process of continual honesty, reflection, and connection. Each time we open up to ourselves, to another person, or to our higher power, we deepen our healing and strengthen our resilience. We learn that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a gateway to the love, support, and understanding we so desperately need.
The beauty of Step Five is that it doesn’t just release us from the burden of our own pain—it also creates space for others to do the same. When we share our struggles, we give permission for others to share theirs. We build a community of mutual support, where the weight of trauma is lightened by the collective strength of connection. In this way, Step Five is not just a step toward personal healing, but a step toward healing the world around us.
For anyone embarking on this step, know that it is okay to feel scared or uncertain. Vulnerability is not easy, but it is worth it. Take your time, choose someone you trust, and remember that you are not alone. Your pain is valid, your story matters, and there is immense strength in admitting the full extent of your struggles. Step Five is an invitation to release the burden of carrying your pain alone, opening the door to a life of greater freedom, connection, and peace. Embrace it, one small step at a time.